Author Stories

How to handle an abusive ex reaching out after the relationship ended

Hey all,

As most of you know I have been out of my relationship for 3 years now. The first 3 months were filled with panic, fear, worry and stress of how I was going to make it. My ex did make it hard with a few mind games and scare tatics but after 3 months he stopped but the triggers and emotional healing was still a struggle. Still is at times. It’s been almost 3 years and I have been trying to live my best life since the day I broke free. Can’t say I’m completely passed it but I’m a hell of a lot better than day 1.

Until he reached back out…

5 little words rocked me to my core.

What are you doing NYE?

Are you fucking kidding me? I’m moving along minding my own business, enjoying the holiday season then BAM! Random text at 4 in the afternoon. Instant tears. Tears of WTF but mostly tear that those 5 little words effected me so much. I thought I was done. I thought he had moved on. Why after 3 years does he want to make contact and mess with me. Does he even know what he has done? OF COURSE he does…But SHIT!!!!

What is even more confusing and frustrating is I had all communication blocked. Cell, Emails, Socials..Everything. So how his same number got through I don’t know. I chose not to respond but damn it it was hard. I had so many questions, so many responses rattling around in my head. Why now? Why NYE? Why just the question and no explanation? The reasoning was eating away at me. But I guess that was the point I’m guessing. He knows how my brain works and knows exactly how it would make my question EVERYTHING.

I made sure the number was still on my block list (it was) but I completely blocked his ass again. Checked emails and socials to make sure the block was still active and deleted that text so I was not tempted to respond. But not after staring at it for what seemed like hours.

I’m doing ok today but I’ll admit it took me a week to stop thinking about it. I hate he still has that power to take up my thoughts. Time heals of course and I handled it WAY better then I would have 3 years ago…Hell even a year ago. As my blog title goes.. Fuck it and keep it moving.

Here are the things I recommend you can do if you find yourself in the same position as what just happened to me.

Breathe

They know they can get to you and it will rock your world. Breathe, first and foremost. Do not react immediately. Take a breath and pause. Know the tactic they are using and make a plan on how to handle it.

Ignore

You do not have to respond. They may have gotten through and you saw the message but YOU have the power now. You not responding is power. They expect you to cave. They expect you to crumble and breakdown. They know it’s going to fuck with you. Do not give them the satisfaction. You responding is EXACTLY what they are looking for. No response means they are denied the reaction payoff. They can try but you are stronger.

Block, Block, Block

If you have not already, block the number on your cell. Block on your email, Block on your Socials. Anyway you feel they can contact you make a point to get that baby blocked so you won’t have to see anything else that may pop through.

Delete

Once blocked delete that bitch. The last thing you need after this is to see it over and over and make you feel a type of way every time you open your phone or email. Delete from your trash as well. Double delete:) Rid yourself of the negative that surrounds it.

Reflect

Think about all you have overcome and how proud you are of yourself on how you handled it. Tears are ok but you did not act and you are going to be ok. You are in control of your life and feelings and one little hiccup is not going to set you back. It’s ok to have a moment. In my case it was a week of thoughts but take your time. It’s ok to feel it. But know you did not let them back in and you are going to move on and live your best life too.

My wish for you is once they are out of your life they are out for good. But if they do creep up I know you got this. If you need a rock or voice of reason…reach out to a trusted friend or family member or reach out to me and I will help you through it. Bottom line is you are not under that control anymore. The only control is how you process and handle it and I know you can and will kick those nasty texts to the curb.

XOXO

Amy

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