My Domestic Violence Story Part 2.
TRIGGER WARNING…This post contains details about physical, mental and sexual abuse. I know it can be hard to read if you have lived it. If you are still struggling you can totally skip this post and I promise not to be mad at ya.
My last post was the beginning of my domestic violence back story..but not the whole story. If you would like to catch up and read part one you can do so here…
Caught up? Alrighty..let’s continue.
We are at 4 years of mental, physical, sexual abuse and I was a shell of a human being. At that point I was self employed.I had a pretty successful resale clothing business and that was helping me just cover the bare minimum of my living expenses. Life was pretty miserable. I completely isolated myself from the outside world. I only went out to go to stores to buy inventory for the business and if I went anywhere else he was with me. My overall health was poor.I gained so much weight and I was not caring about routine exams or how my appearance was. I learned through therapy I was subconsciously trying to make myself unattractive as a defense mechanism.
One morning he wakes up and says to me (after raping me) that I am no longer useful and I’m bringing him down. I’m the reason he can’t hold a job, I’m the reason we are struggling financially, I’m the reason why everything is the way it is. If I wasn’t so bad he would not have to treat me this way and blah blah and blah. Then he said I had to move out. I had been wishing to get out for years but never had the nerve of the resources. This man actually paid for a Uhaul and helped me pack up my things and drove it back to where I had a support system. I drove my car alone and I think I seriously cried for the whole16 hours.
He was actually being civil with the move and to be honest I needed the help. We had to stop halfway and I purchased a hotel room off the interstate for myself and my dogs. I was not planning on him staying in the room with me. That night he felt the need to attack me one last time and got in the room when I went to walk the dogs. This time choking me to where I blacked out. Waking up that morning I instantly felt the pain in my pelvic area and in the mirror saw the bruises. As I left the hotel that morning I could not stop crying every time I saw him following me in the rear view mirror.
When we arrived at our destination he immediately hopped out of the truck and into an Uber to go to the airport to fly back. Just like that we were done and he was gone. No words exchanged.
I wish that is how the story ends…God do I wish.
You know what they say.. It takes many tries to finally rid yourself of an abuser and finally know that you need to get away. I was alone for 6 months trying to rebuild. It was hard and lonely and still was not talking to ANYONE about the pain. Everyone just thought I went through a break up with a long term boyfriend. Then I get an email with an apology, then a text with promises of therapy and then the calls. Love and respect was promised and my dumb ass answered the phone. Slowly he came back into my life. I was weak, scared, lonely, and deep down longing for the man he was at the beginning. I was surprised I still loved this man after everything.
After a forceful conversation and manipulation I was back moving again to his home town where his family lived. He lost his mother and I was finally meeting a few of his family members.I figured he has truly changed being back with his family and he could NEVER be the man he was before. He was broken from losing his mom and he needed someone to help him and love him. I’m such a fool:)
What I learned from his family was he had a daughter and was physically abusive to her mother. He also went to prison. FUCKING prison for almost killing another man. His cousin was a high powered states attorney and she told me flat out I need to get away from this man. WHAT?!?! No wonder he kept me away for them for so long.
More moves and the abuser in him started creeping back out. Year 4 and 5 was the years I pretty much gave up on everything.Death was welcomed. I was back in the depths of hell and I was too embarrassed to admit I made a mistake by having him back in my life. At this point in year 6, I am completely unemployed, no money, no car because he took it. He had a company car when I first met him and when he first got fired he just used mine and pretty much never gave it back. I was completely isolated from family and friends again and everyday was hoping I didn’t wake up from sleep. I wanted nothing more than the pain to go away. To end it. I was just scared to do it myself. With each rape, hit, choke, punch I was hoping it would be the final one. I would dream of him getting arrested. Having to answer to his family and my people what happened and have him look them in the eye. I always wondered if his daughter knew what he did to her mother. While I was with him his daughter and him had a rocky relationship. He would always preach about staying in school working hard and would take her to volunteer and help the community. Saying service to others was essential and giving back was just what you do. Meanwhile when they were out I was soaking in the bathtub to ease the pain of the cuts and bruises.
February 2nd 2019
That was my independence day. It started as any other day or move for that matter. We were expected to move cross country again. One of the rare times we were actually moving together and at the same time. Boxes were packed and just a few last minute errands needed to be done before we loaded up the U-Haul and we were going to hit the road. Of course I was always so happy anytime I could be alone in the car and just drive. I felt so free. So I begged if I could drop off the cable box and the other random tasks that needed to be done. He actually said yes. It was shocking since I was not allowed to go anywhere alone. That’s why it was such a treat.I dropped him off to pick up the U-Haul and the car hauler. I told him I would be back in about an hour and I set my phone timer. Always hell to pay if I was even a minute late so I wanted to keep track of how I was doing. He said take your time which I thought was odd and I was off.
My hour was almost up. When I rounded the corner to the house I saw that the U-Haul was not there. I wondered if there was an issue at the store. I paid in full so there should not have been an issue. I pulled in the driveway and opened the garage door and it was completely empty. Only an hour later it was full of boxes and furniture. We didn’t have much but we moved pretty much everything in the garage the night before so it would be an easy and quick load in. Guess it was quick and easy because everything I owned inside the house and outside was gone. HE was gone. I walked in the house. Empty. There was a note on the table that said Go Fuck Yourself Bitch and a $20 dollar bill. For that moment that was the only thing I had. My car, the clothes on my back and my two dogs. I later found a box of clothes that actually was labeled Amy’s clothes that he left so I had a little bit more. I was terrified and overjoyed with tears at the same time. As I sat on the empty floor I had no idea what to do next but I knew I was going to be ok. He was gone and I had a lot of work to do to pick up the pieces.
Typically you want to be the hero in your own story. Being brave enough to leave with your head held high and a middle finger in the air. This man left me in the most dramatic of ways. And I’m eternally grateful he did. Looking back I wouldn’t have had the strength. He gave me the best gift that day.
In the next few posts I will talk more about my recovery and struggles while trying to rebuild my life.
Til next time
xoxo
Amy