Author Stories, Therapy

Do you lie to your therapist?

My guess is if you you have ever been in the chair staring across the room at them with the notepad and pen in hand you have TOTALLY lied to them. Right? RIGHT? Or is it just me?

I’ll be the first to admit it that it usually takes me like 6 sessions before I go all in. The very first appointment it’s usually like a get to know you on the surface level. Hi My name is Amy and I’m having a few issues and thought it’s best to maybe come and talk to someone. I have dogs, I work here and I like doing this stuff. Totally like a dating app bio. Putting your best out there first so your not coming off too crazy right?

The next few sessions I ease into what is going on with me but not the ugly crying on the bathroom floor type stuff. It’s weird how I don’t go all in when it’s clear I’m there for help. They ask how I’m doing. I dance around and say I’m fine just sad or “off”. They dig deeper. I give a little but then it’s time to go:) Success in not having to get to the ugly stuff.

By the time the 6th session is happening I’m a freaking mess and then spill it and it’s not pretty. I’m crying, UGLY crying and they are totally going to have to restock the tissues because I’m USING THEM ALL!!

For me when I was in my abusive relationship we moved every 6 months or so. I would have to sneak around to get to my therapy sessions. During that time I would always have to start over with someone new and the cat and mouse game would start all over. My issue was I was still in protective mode and I wanted to feel better but I was scared to give up too much info for fear I would get him in trouble. Like the secret would get out. I would talk about me being depressed. How I lost interest in things I once loved. Moving all the time was hard. All the things but being abused. I would talk about it without talking about it. I always wondered if they knew or if they were going to let me bring it out on my own in my own time. Did they notice my bruises that I was trying to hide?

When I was finally out of my relationship it still took me that long to finally get comfortable with opening up about the abuse. There were some very ugly things that I knew I had to talk about but even the thought of retelling it made me want to throw up. I think I actually had to get up in the middle of a session once to do just that. YUCK!

So why do we feel we have to lie or sugarcoat to our therapists? Are we scared? Too much pain? Embarrassed? I’m sure it could be all three or at least one of them…so how do we get more comfortable with it all? We are paying big bucks for it after all.

After doing a little research I found Time magazine did a little study and found a whopping 93% of us have lied in our therapy sessions. Most of the reasons why is what I listed above.

Regardless of what your in therapy for most of us may find it weird to have someone attentive to your thoughts and feelings. They listen and don’t interrupt and when they start asking questions our defenses go up and lying seems like a way to protect ourselves.

Here are a few things to remember and help you feel comfortable while talking about uncomfortable things.

1. Remember they are there to help you feel better. You took the first step to call to make the appointment. Ease into it like I have done but you and the therapist will become partners in your recovery so you do your part so they can do theirs.

2. I usually wear comfy clothes to my appointments. I tend to bring my legs under my body and if I’m going to be sitting that way I sure as hell better not be in skinny jeans. The more comfortable you are personally, the more you will be in a comfy headspace to open up.

3. Bring a water bottle. If your a cryer like me you need to stay hydrated. I tend to get wicked headaches when I cry so stay hydrated and maybe have some Advil handy too!

4. Just always remember these guys have heard way more crazy stories that you could ever tell. As sad as that sounds you are doing a hell of a good job just for walking in the door. They are there for you. They know the best ways to maneuver around your issues. It took me a bit to understand I could not fix it on my own. Had to bring in the pinch hitter.

5. Just breathe. Keep an open mind. Speak your truth at the pace your comfortable with and know you are strong and going to come out a bit better than the day before. You got this!!

What’s the biggest lie you told your therapist?

I swear she HAD to know I was full of it but I told mine once that the reason why my eyes are puffy is because I have extreme allergies and it kept me up all night. Ugh so lame. Meanwhile I was on my bathroom floor crying all night but of course the allergy lie felt easier to say.

Any tips you have that makes therapy a bit easier I’d love yo hear them.

Til next time

XOXO,

Amy

Domestic Violence

5 High profile celebrities that have experienced domestic violence Pt 1

Hey All,

We all know that DV can hit anyone. It does not matter if your Rich or Poor, successful or just trying to make it. Everyone one of us has a different story on how we were forcefully made to join this awful club. Some of us left right away. Others took more time to plan to be safe. Some went back and forth on if we should go or not. Regardless on how we made it through or if your still in and working through it we are all the same.

Celebrities are for sure no exception. I’m sure most know the stories of these 5 strong ladies but here is a quick reminder that even at the top of your game you are not alone in this. We are stronger together. And unfortunately as the People Magazine pages say.. “Stars.. They’re just like us”

  1. Rihanna

In 2009, on the eve of the Grammy awards Rihanna and Chris Brown had a moment that would have the world buzzing the very next day. By daylight Chris Brown and Rihanna’s performances were cancelled. One was arrested and the other was black and blue and a photo of Miss Rihanna’s face was ALL OVER the internet.

You can for sure read about it all in detail and see the photo’s with a quick internet search but since it could be a trigger for some I will leave that for someone else to discuss.

What makes this close to home for me and probably many others is that she went back to him. She felt he made a mistake and just needed help and she felt very protective. This is a very common reaction. On average it takes 8 times to leave before it sticks.

The other thing that is hard but so common is that Chris Brown is remorseful but in an interview after the incident, His verbiage was she did this and she did that. He acknowledges his wrongs but it was almost like… If she didn’t do this I wouldn’t have done that. Victim blaming at it’s finest. CB was sentenced to 5 years probation, 1 year of domestic violence counseling and 6 months community service.

Both Rihanna and Chris moved on and had successful careers. Chris has had his ups and downs since then. He is now a father and Rihanna is expecting her first child.

2. Tina Turner

Oh miss Tina. We all know the fierce woman we see today but very early on in her career she met a man named Ike and her world changed forever.

Ike saw the talent in her early on and took her in and taught her the business. Soon he began to control every aspect of her life. Her finances, her clothes, her hair, her sound. Beatings and sexual abuse followed.

The band and staff around her all knew but they felt powerless to help. Whenever they did she got it worse. She has been quoted saying that she felt the only way out was death. In 1968 she felt that was the only option and had a scary attempt at her own life.

While driving to a show in Dallas in 1976 she suffered a bad beating in a car and once Ike fell asleep that was her chance and she finally took it. With .36 cents in her pocket she ran into a nearby hotel and decided enough was enough.

Being free is one thing but she had a tough time bouncing back. When a partner controls every aspect of your life you need to start 100% over. Record labels were scared to sign her as a solo artist. Too risky since she bailed on Ike. Little did they know the abuse she suffered.For 6 years she was out of the spotlight. Cleaning houses and singing in small clubs to get by. No one would still touch her as an artist so she decided to tell all. In 1981 she wrote a tell all book and laid it on the line. That book became a movie in 2013 that had a #1 single with the same name. What’s love got to do with it told her story and she was ready to make a new one. We see her now as a strong kick ass woman and a survivor. National treasure type level for sure.

Ike died in 2007. She met an amazing man that loves her and after 24 years she got married again in 2013.

On Sunday I will break down the last 3 wonderful ladies. Madonna, Robin Givens and Whitney Houston.

XOXO

Amy

Mental Health

Daylights Saving Time and how it effects your body.

Hey all,

I know I’m late on this one but lets chat about the crazy thing that happens twice a year that makes us cranky, moody and tired. Daylights Savings Time is not ever a surprise and we know it’s coming but damn if it doesn’t creep up and bite you in the ass at 4pm when all you want to do is go to sleep.

My thing is why does it actually make you so tired losing an hour when we all have had way less nights of sleep. This just seems worse and hard to adjust too right?

Every time it comes around so many people talk about it and complain and I know this time the Senate actually passed a bill to end it..but will it make a difference?

I know that losing/gaining an hour and having sunsets and sunrises mess with sleep schedules and they are the least of our world problems but studies have shown it does take a toll on the body.

Here are a few things I found on this thing called Google

  1. With DST, between March and November, your body is exposed to less morning light and more evening light, which can throw off your circadian rhythm,” When your internal clock is out of sync with the sun’s clock, you can feel tired in the morning and awake in the evening.

2. According to the American Heart Association, in addition to the fatigue, the transition can also affect your heart and brain. Hospital admissions for an irregular heartbeat pattern known as atrial fibrillation, as well as heart attacks and strokes, increase in the first few days of daylight saving time.

3. Losing an hour of afternoon daylight after setting the clocks back to standard time can trigger mental illness, including bipolar disorder, and seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression. A Danish study found an 11% increase in depression cases after the time change.

4. A 2020 study found fatal traffic accidents increased by 6% in the United States during daylight saving time.

Then I found this gem…

Strange as it may seem, Daylight Saving Time might mean you find yourself in more serious legal trouble. According to a 2016 study from the Association for Psychological Science, judges hand out harsher sentences the day after the DST switch.

So basically if you get arrested the judge is going to be cranky like the rest of us so your fate is in the hands of a sleep deprived, moody judge. Good luck folks:)

So what do you think? Are you a fan or hate it or indifferent? I think it’s just the norm now and we all power though but do you think it’s a good idea to do away with it completely?

XOXO

Amy

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WTF

5 back in the day ads that actually ran that could not run today.

Hey all,

I was wasting time on the internet the other day and I came across this ad from 1974. Weyenberg Shoes thought that a kick ass pair of shoes will keep us where we belong. WTF?

So if us humans thought this was ok back then what other crazy shit could I find. Here are my top 5 that I saw and I’d like to see them try and get away with this stuff today.

5. 1951 Van Heusen wants us to know it’s a man’s world and gosh darn it we should be so lucky.. Just the sight of a mans tie will make sure bow down and serve you breakfast.

4. 1952 Was a time where we we dare serve our men stale coffee we may get spanked. Chase and Sandborn coffee tells us we better get our shit together or else.

3. 1953 Alcoa Aluminum came along and saved our asses from super hard bottles to open. If I may say you failed because I STILL can’t open most jars. Lies…All Lies.

2. Oh Volkswagen…implying that we will hit pretty much whatever when we are behind the wheel. Thank good it won’t cost so much. Just our self esteem.

and #1 my favorite

1969 Tipalet says if you flat our disrespect us and blow smoke in our faces we will follow you anywhere. Blueberry smoke….Yummy.

I show these in fun and know this would never fly today but if you think about it this really wasn’t that long ago. Don Draper at his finest hour.

Quick post today because I have dishes to do and the dogs will not learn how to vacuum and I need to get dinner started and put on a full face of make-up OR ELSE:)

xoxo

Amy

Mental Health

Happy Holidays!

Hi all,

Today is the big day for some! Myself included. I live all year for this. It’s my favorite time of year. If you are in that space I hope you enjoy this magical time with friends and family.

I also know that this time of year can be extremely difficult for some. I just want you guys to know that it’s ok. There was a time I dreaded the holidays.

I remember when I was in my abusive relationship that we I was so isolated from everyone and we never did anything for the holidays. When I was at work and that last business day of the year when everyone was giddy to get out of the office early. I was the last to leave because I had nowhere to go but home. Dreading the same question every year. “Whatcha doing for Christmas?” I lied through my teeth and said I was going home to family. It was the most deflective answer I could say. It seamed normal enough right?

In reality, I would get home and be told how I ruined his holidays and how he can’t go home because he’s embarrassed to take me anywhere.

I always stress how important self care is to anyone’s mental health. If you are still struggling and things are hard please don’t give up. Take a mini break in the shower, or if allowed go for a walk. Anything you can do to slow down and breathe. Those little breaks they can’t take from you. Keep your mind right and strong.

And if your struggling really bad like I was one year please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can chat if calling puts you in danger. I’ve used them many times and they really do understand.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Alright my friends I’m going to take a much needed break myself until the new year. I wish you all well and peace and I’ll chat with you again in 2022.

Xoxo,

Amy