My guess is if you you have ever been in the chair staring across the room at them with the notepad and pen in hand you have TOTALLY lied to them. Am I right? I can’t be the only one.
I’ve chatted before about my love hate relationship with therapy. I’m the poster child for quitting. I feel better I dip. It get’s too painful I’m running away. I’ll be the first to admit it that it usually takes me like 6 sessions before I go all in. That’s IF I make it that far.
The very first appointment it’s usually like a get to know you on the surface level. Hi! My name is Amy and I’m having a few issues and thought it’s best to maybe come and talk to someone. I have dogs, I work here and I like doing this stuff. Totally like a dating app bio. Putting your best self out there first so you are not coming off too crazy right?
The next few sessions I ease into what is going on with me but not the ugly crying on the bathroom floor type stuff. It’s weird how I don’t go all in when it’s clear I’m there for help. They ask how I’m doing. I dance around and say I’m fine just sad or I’m feeling “off”. They dig deeper. I give a little but by then the clocks my saving grace because my time is up. Success!I didn’t have to get to the ugly stuff. Totally winning at this therapy thing!
By the time the 6th session is happening I’m a freaking mess and then spill it and it’s not pretty. I’m crying, UGLY crying and they are totally going to have to restock the tissues because I’m USING THEM ALL!! This is where it gets totally real and scary. Where the real work begins.
For me when I was in my abusive relationship we moved every 6 months or so. It was never easy and I would have to sneak around to get to my therapy sessions. During that time I would always have to start over with someone new and the cat and mouse game would start all over. I never got the serious help to deal with the trauma .
My issue was I was still in protective mode and I wanted to feel better but I was scared to give up too much info for fear I would get him in trouble. Like the secret would get out. I would talk about me being depressed. How I lost interest in things I once loved. Moving all the time was hard. All the things but actually saying I was being abused. I would talk about it without talking about it. I always wondered if they knew or if they were going to let me bring it out on my own in my own time. Did they notice my bruises that I was trying to hide? Did they notice when my hands were shaking when I got close to saying it out loud.
When I was finally out of my relationship it still took me a long time to finally get comfortable with opening up about the abuse. There were some very ugly things that I knew I had to talk about but even the thought of retelling it made me want to throw up. I think I actually had to get up in the middle of a session once to do just that. YUCK!
So why do we feel we have to lie or sugarcoat to our therapists? Are we scared? Too much pain? Embarrassed? I’m sure it could be all three or at least one of them…so how do we get more comfortable with it all? We are paying big bucks for it after all. We can lie to anyone else for free but you are actively paying and wanting the help so let’s try and actually do the work to get better.
After doing a little research I found Time magazine did a little study and found a whopping 93% of us have lied in our therapy sessions. Most of the reasons why is what I listed above.
Regardless of what your in therapy for most of us may find it weird to have someone attentive to your thoughts and feelings. They listen and don’t interrupt and when they start asking questions our defenses go up and lying seems like a way to protect ourselves.
With my ex I had to lie most every day. It was mostly for safety. to not anger him. tell him want he wanted to hear to keep the peace. It got easy over time. That’s probably why for me to lie to my therapist. It came naturally.
Here are a few things to remember and help you feel comfortable while talking about uncomfortable things.
1. Remember they are there to help you feel better. You took the first step to call to make the appointment. Ease into it like I have done but you and the therapist will become partners in your recovery so you do your part so they can do theirs.
2. I usually wear comfy clothes to my appointments. I tend to bring my legs under my body and if I’m going to be sitting that way I sure as hell better not be in skinny jeans. The more comfortable you are, the more you will be in a comfy headspace to open up.
3. Bring a water bottle. If your a cryer like me you need to stay hydrated. I tend to get wicked headaches when I cry. Try to stay hydrated with water or a sports drink and maybe have some Advil handy too!
4. Just always remember these guys have heard way crazier stories than you could ever tell. As sad as that sounds you are doing a hell of a good job just for walking in the door. They are there for you. They know the best ways to maneuver around your issues. They are not there to judge you. It may hurt but they are not the ones who caused the pain. Walk with them through it.
5. Just breathe. Keep an open mind. Speak your truth at the pace your comfortable with and know you are strong and going to come out a bit better than the day before. You got this!!
What’s the biggest lie you told your therapist?
I swear she HAD to know I was full of it but I told mine once that the reason why my eyes are puffy is because I have extreme allergies and it kept me up all night. Ugh so lame. Meanwhile I was on my bathroom floor crying all night but of course the allergy lie felt easier to say. It was my go to. My safe zone.
Any tips you have that makes therapy a bit easier I’d love yo hear them.
Til next time
XOXO,
Amy
swearingtotallyhelps.com 